I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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