I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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