I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think my fart just growled at me.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize