if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
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You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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