Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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