margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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