oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize