My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
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Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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