I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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