we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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