Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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