Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize