What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
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