remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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