Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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