Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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