i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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