I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize