I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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