I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
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You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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