im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
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