Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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