By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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