that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
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After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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