RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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