God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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