my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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