your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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