Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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