Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize