I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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