Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize