We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
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I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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