I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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