In America we eat man semen.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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