I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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