I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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