I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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