I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize