I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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