All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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