The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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