even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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