I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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