Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize