college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize