I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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