the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize