he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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