We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize